Body Blues

I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself lately. I wasn't sure if I should say this here or not but I'm just going to blurt it out....tell the world..... it's really true and I'm tired of holding it in: I FEEL FAT!!!

OK, it's finally out. Yes, ME! Size 6 me....feels F-A-T. Oh, and not just fat but fat AND SLOW!!! Because, you know, I am a runner and feeling fat is not enough bad karma, one has to feel slow too, to really squelch the ol' self-esteem.

Marshall and I talked about this last week on a run. We both agreed that one reason (BUT NOT THE ONLY REASON) that we signed up for this Ironman is to have the once-in-a-lifetime chance to get into the best possible shape ever. To lose every ounce of bodyfat possible and be totally buffed (remember what I said in a previous post, that the main reason we all exercise, I think, is to "look good naked" as the guy in American Beauty said). It's all about the ego.

I look in the mirror and marvel at what the heck happened in the last few years. Where is that lean body I use to have? Where is that flat stomach? Those slim hips??? They've all gone south.

I have never, ever, in my entire life had "cellulite". As a sports dietitian, I can tell you that there is no such thing as cellulite. It's all adipose tissue - the same stuff that the 20-somethings laughingly call "muffin tops". It just looks different on the back of thighs and buttocks.

Anyway, I've never had it. Never even thought about it. Never worried about it. Never thought that I, the dietitian, who runs marathons, eats low-fat, and adds flax seed to her oatmeal would have cellulite.

Weeelllllll, those days are over! I look in the mirror and see an aging woman who has flabby thighs and a buddha belly. Can't believe I'm even writing this...but the question is, will the IM make it go away???? Marshall has lost 10 lbs but I can't seem to budge an ounce.....it's not fair!

OK, I've calmed down....Ohmmmmm......I love my body, I love my body, I love my body.....